yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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