I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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