No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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