alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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