Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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