No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
