apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
