There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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