it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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