Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
where are my eyebrows?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
