Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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