I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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