She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize