he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
