just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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