Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
