Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
