hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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