I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
