Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
