I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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