C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
