It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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