You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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