Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
