apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
