fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
