i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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