I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
