i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
