So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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