do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
