I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
