Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
