what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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