So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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