So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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