you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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