I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
