Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
