I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends canβt come over any more.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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