the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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