Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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