if you like me you must not know who I am
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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