And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
