Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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