wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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