I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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