She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
