bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I've blown a few things in my day
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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