all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
