Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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